i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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