What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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