My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
