Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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