Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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