Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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