I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
