who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
