you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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