I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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