That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
