the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
you made out with another girl for some wings
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
