i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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