Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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