We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
