Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
