I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
