She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
third nipple confirmed
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
