You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
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Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
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My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize