You can't motorboat a personality
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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