Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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