my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
