I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
