my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
