she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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