i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
