I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
