3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
