could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
