The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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