Will you blow on my dice?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
