I wannas sexs uuuuu
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ketchup is God's man juice
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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