i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
