apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
