I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
