All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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