I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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