I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
