Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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