Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
