cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
