Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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