Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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