Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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