And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
