How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
wow bdsm is so cute
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
