So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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