I must be too annoying 4 u.
Do you still have your period?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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