i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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