Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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