So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
