Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize