It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
