Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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