We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
