he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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