I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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