I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
