so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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