and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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