She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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