Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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