I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
