i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
