Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
