dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
