im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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