At least make sure they are 18
Why
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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