one might say we're banned from that church
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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