Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
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He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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