i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
