My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
